Why I Don’t Advise Pre-Marital Counseling Anymore.

Most couples who go to premarital counseling sit there madly in love, starry-eyed, moving their heads up and down in agreement to anything and everything the pastor tells them. The problem is that being married is a theory to them, there’s no hands-on experience. They don’t know what they don’t know. I now ask pastors to consider abandoning the traditional approach to premarital counseling for post-marital counseling.

Instead of meeting with a couple five to seven weeks in a row to talk about communication, money, in-laws, sex, the different love languages, etc., meet twice before they get married. The first meeting can be your chance to get to know them and to make sure there not about the make the biggest mistake in their lives. The second meeting can be to plan the ceremony. Then, after they’re married, meet once at the three month mark, once at the six month mark, once at the nine month mark and once at their one year anniversary.

Believe me when they meet with you after having some experience being married they will have a long list of things they want to talk to you about. You’ll be dealing with real-life situations and find yourself scratching where they itch. If you feel that you just have to give them some more input before they get married then give them a good book to read to hold them over (or to hold you over) until your first meeting scheduled three months after the wedding.

This approach to pre-marital counseling, which is really more post-marital counseling, will be easier on your schedule and more meaningful and effective to the couples you marry.

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