How To Have A Boring Sermon

 

Never underestimate your ability to convince yourself that you are a great communicator when in reality you are a boring one. Here are my 13 ways to insure that your sermon is boring.

  1. Have more than five main points to your sermon and let your church know this in advance, after all, this is what an introduction is for, i.e. to cause your people to wish they have followed their earlier idea to stay home.
  2. Seldom smile. After all, preaching is serious business and you don’t want those listening to you to think that you actually enjoy them or preaching.
  3. Make sure that you keep things negative. Focus on God’s judgment, sin, and all the other things that your church (or some other church) is doing wrong.
  4. Convince yourself that you are being spontaneous (or led by the Spirit) when in reality you are going down rabbit-trails and ever returning.
  5. Whatever you do, don’t rely on your notes because this is a sign that your are not led by the Spirit.
  6. Don’t bother rehearsing your sermon, after all, you want to be led by the Spirit.
  7. Design a sermon with just a couple people in mind, that way when they don’t show up the rest of your group can hear something that doesn’t relate to them.
  8. Never check with your spouse whether or not a joke is really funny or just funny to you.
  9. Let your speaking voice be completely different than your normal voice. This way your people will not only be bored but will conclude that you are one person in the pulpit (or whatever it is that you stand behind…or don’t stand behind) and a different person in normal life.
  10. Use outdated sermon illustrations that you found in that sermon illustrations book that you’ve been using since 1982.
  11. Let your people know that you are wrapping things up…and then don’t.
  12. Don’t bother trying to figure out what your people would find interesting and helpful to be taught. After all, you’re in a much better position to know this than they are.
  13. And the most important: Let your sermon run ten minutes too long.

 

 

 

 

 

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