How to Annoy a Small Church Pastor

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  1. Offer to pay their way to a conference on church growth.
  2. Give them a book on church growth for pastor appreciation month.
  3. Ask them, “Why isn’t our church growing?”
  4. Ask them, “Why is that other church growing?”
  5. Tell them on Sunday morning, “Looks like a small crowd today.”
  6. Ask them on Sunday morning, “Where is everybody?”
  7. When you sense that your pastor might be discouraged about the size of your church remind them that whenever two or more come together, Jesus is there.
  8. Assure your pastor that you love the fact that the church is small.
  9. Sit down with them and share some ideas you have as to why the church isn’t growing.

 If you are a denominational supervisor…

  1. Make sure they attend your national conference but have all the speakers be pastors of large churches.
  2. Give them great ideas and resources that won’t really work in a church their size.
  3. Ask them, “So…how are your numbers?”
  4. Require them to fill out reports on attendance, conversions, baptisms, etc.
  5. Schedule your pastor’s meetings during the week so that the bivocational pastors can’t attend.
  6. Ask the bivocational pastors, “So…when are you going to be able to go full time?”
  7. Invite them to your building and give them a tour.
  8. Instead of following up with them personally have your assistant do it.

4 comments

  1. Ronnie Brown’s avatar

    Oh my word! That is so good! I really appreciate the laugh!
    Being the bivocational pastor that I am, #6 under denominational supervisor is my favorite. I espacially like when I go the the preacher’s fellowship and I’m asked, “Are you full time yet?”

    That’s great! Thanks!
    Ronnie Brown

  2. Dave Jacobs’s avatar

    Ronnie, I don’t know a small church pastor (bivo or not) that can’t relate to this. Thanks for leaving a comment.

  3. Mike Simpson’s avatar

    Alexander Whyte pointed out that Noah was a “preacher of righteousness” (2 Peter 2.5) and look at the size of his congregation.

  4. Dave Jacobs’s avatar

    You got that right Mike.

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