How to Annoy a Small Church Pastor

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  1. Offer to pay their way to a conference on church growth.
  2. Give them a book on church growth for pastor appreciation month.
  3. Ask them, “Why isn’t our church growing?”
  4. Ask them, “Why is that other church growing?”
  5. Tell them on Sunday morning, “Looks like a small crowd today.”
  6. Ask them on Sunday morning, “Where is everybody?”
  7. When you sense that your pastor might be discouraged about the size of your church remind them that whenever two or more come together, Jesus is there.
  8. Assure your pastor that you love the fact that the church is small.
  9. Sit down with them and share some ideas you have as to why the church isn’t growing.

 If you are a denominational supervisor…

  1. Make sure they attend your national conference but have all the speakers be pastors of large churches.
  2. Give them great ideas and resources that won’t really work in a church their size.
  3. Ask them, “So…how are your numbers?”
  4. Require them to fill out reports on attendance, conversions, baptisms, etc.
  5. Schedule your pastor’s meetings during the week so that the bivocational pastors can’t attend.
  6. Ask the bivocational pastors, “So…when are you going to be able to go full time?”
  7. Invite them to your building and give them a tour.
  8. Instead of following up with them personally have your assistant do it.