Journal entry 10.1.12
“He intended to pass them by.” (48)
Why was Jesus “intending” to pass them by when He could clearly see that they were struggling so hard against the wind?
It seems like He has done this many times in my past. I’m straining against the wind and He passes by me, leaves me to struggle, and waits for me on the other side. Maybe waves at me while He passes, sometimes I didn’t even get that.
It’s not until later, after I make it to the shore, that I discover Him. And then I feel it was a mean and cruel thing He put me through.
My heart is hard (52) and lacks insight (52). Jesus is more interested in my insight than my desire for smooth sailing.
Jesus would come to the rescue of the disciples many times and then… He would stop coming. They would all (with the exception of John) face martyrdom. He will pass them by waving and wait on the other side for them.
Jesus intended to pass them by. Did He think they would see Him, recognize it was Him instead of a ghost, and with their eyes fixed on Him continue to row and row and row until they made it to the shore on their own?
Did Jesus change His plan because He heard their cry and saw their terror? I have cried out in fear and frustration and experienced what seemed like Him passing me by.
“Save me Lord. Get in my boat.”
“No, you keep rowing and I’ll be waiting for you on the other side.”
Seems like a mean omnipotent God.
I believe He wants to bring me to the place where it’s enough for me to just see Him passing by and waving. To get to the place where I don’t need deliverance, I’m content to strain and struggled as long as I can see Him waving. I am not there yet. I have a long way to go to be as pleased with His passing and waving as I am with His deliverance.
Do you feel like you are rowing and rowing and rowing with nothing more than a wave from Jesus as He passes you by? He’s on the shore waiting for you. Keep rowing.