Encouragement 4 U

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Wanting vs Needing Your Church To Be Successful

June 14, 2013 in Encouragement 4 U, How to..., Ideas That Work, Leadership, Questions For Reflection, Things to Think About | 1 comment

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Most pastors want their church to be successful, and some pastors need their church to be successful. Wanting and needing are two different things. It’s important to recognize the difference between these two desires (wanting vs. needing) and, along with that, to discover a definition of ‘success’ that is both healthy and realistic.

A definition of success that focuses solely on numbers (attendance, offerings) is unhealthy (for the pastor) and unrealistic. My experience in working with pastors and the churches they lead has shown time after time that a church can be healthy and not grow. I’ve also come to realize that a church can be unhealthy and grow. Strange as that may sound, it is true.

I don’t think it’s necessary, or wise, to ignore attendance and offerings, but what is necessary is to find a definition of success that has very little to do with numbers. A great question for a pastor to ask his/her leadership team would be, “How might we define success for our church if we could not refer to attendance and offerings?”

Having said this, let’s now return to the issue of wanting vs. needing.

Many pastors ‘need’ their church to grow. They need their church to be successful to feel good about themselves. They need their church to be successful in order to receive recognition, applause, and respect from fellow pastors. (Keep in mind that this ‘need’ is usually below the surface and oftentimes unknown to the pastor.) When your self-worth is wrapped up in the success of your church, you’re headed for heartbreak and burnout.

Now, of course, one could ‘want’ their church to be successful for all the wrong reasons, but for me, somehow ‘wanting’ seems more natural and healthy than ‘needing.”

Do you want your church to be successful or do you need your church to be successful? How wrapped up in numbers is your definition of success? Are you depressed and discouraged because you feel your church is not successful? If so, what’s the real issue behind these feelings?

Here’s something to chew on…

The closer one moves towards God in personal intimacy, the less one needs their church to be successful. Once you reach this place, you will be free.

My First Music Review: Wilson & MacQueen

June 7, 2013 in Encouragement 4 U, Random | No comments

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Apparently a couple of years ago Kris MacQueen and Adrian Wilson spent an evening together sharing, “…food, libations and guitars. As we listened to one another’s stuff, we realized that our songs really went together well. “Wilson & MacQueen” was born.

Recently I had the pleasure of listening to Adrian and Kris’ debut CD while driving all over town. Believe me it takes a lot to tear me away from my favorite Classic Rock station but I’m glad I took the time to pop their CD into my player.

How would I describe their style? Think ‘Mumford and Sons’ and you’ll be getting close enough. With “Wilson & MacQueen” you’ve got worship music but not necessarily the kind you’d sing in church. It’s more the type of worship music you sit (or drive) and listen to and all of a sudden realize you’ve been swept up into His presence.

Nicely produced, thanks to Jon Horvath, with rich strings, lyrics with some depth to them, and the vocals…let me just say…very nice indeed.

My favorite was track 1, Everything.

You can visit their site to listen before you purchase. If you like it, and I know you will, why not pass this review on to your friends on Facebook. Let’s get these guys out there.

 

When Fear Infects The Heart, The First Thing To Go Are The Eyes.

May 24, 2013 in Encouragement 4 U | No comments

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Most pastors live with fear, I know I did when I was a pastor. There are so many things to be fearful of while leading a church:

  1. Will there be enough money in the offering this week to pay the church bills?
  2. Will there be enough money to pay me?
  3. What if there’s not enough money and I have to get an outside job?
  4. How can I lead the church if I’m not available due to working an outside job?
  5. What will happen if “so and so” leaves the church?
  6. My numbers are dwindling. How long can we stay open?
  7. What if there is a church-split?
  8. What if I fail to manage conflict in my church?
  9. How will I pay my bills when I reach retirement?
  10. There are some people in my church that are mad at me. What will be the ramifications of that?

It’s important for us to remember that fear can become a filter through which we see everything else. Fear distorts reality. Fear can prevent objectivity. Fear causes us to react rather than reflect. Fear can make a mountain out of a mole-hill. (I know all about moles. We’ve got those nasty little buggers all over our property.)

Is there anything that is currently causing you fear or anxiety? If so, ask yourself these questions:

  1. Is it possible that I am making the problem into something bigger than it really is?
  2. Has fear and anxiety entered my heart, and if so, how might it be effecting my perspective?
  3. How might I gain objectivity?
  4. Who do I know who might help me be more objective?
  5. How might I effectively give this fear over to the Lord so that I could find peace and greater objectivity?

Never forget, when fear infects the heart, the first thing to go are the eyes.

In Honor of Dallas Willard: The Dangers of Ministry

May 20, 2013 in Encouragement 4 U, Leadership, Things to Think About | No comments

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Pastors must change their definition of success. They need to have a vision of success rooted in spiritual terms, determined by the vitality of a pastor’s own spiritual life and his capacity to pass that on to others.

When pastors don’t have rich spiritual lives with Christ they become victimized by other models of success, models conveyed to them by their training, by their experience in the church, or just by our culture. They begin to think their job is managing a set of ministry activities and success is about getting more people to engage those activities. Pastors, and those they lead, need to be set free from that belief.

The Shallows Generated By Constant Activity

May 6, 2013 in Encouragement 4 U, Spiritual Formation, Things to Think About | 2 comments

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How can we lead others into deep waters if we ourselves live in the shallows generated by constant activity?

Richard Foster commented in Celebration of Discipline, “In contemporary society our adversary majors in three things: noise, hurry, and crowds. If he can keep us engaged in “muchness” and “manyness” he will rest satisfied. Psychiatrist Carl Jung once remarked, “Hurry is not of the devil; it is the devil.” If we are constantly being swept off our feet with frantic activity, we will be unable to be attentive at the moment of inward silence.”

Great pastors are organized and focused without the sense of driven, hurry, or busy. We need to take good things off our plates in order to make space for better things, such as: spiritual formation, thinking and planning, and cultivating key relationships.

“Life for many leaders is a blur of activity and planning, with sparse occasions for reflection, replenishing, rejoicing, and responding to the relationship the Lord is inviting them to experience and enjoy in Him. The urgent crowds out the essential. Doing ignores being. Developing skills becomes more important than shaping character.” (TransforMissional Coaching)

A W Tozer suggested, “Our religious activities should be ordered in such a way as to have plenty of time for the cultivation of the fruits of solitude and silence.”

Henri Nouwen dares to ask, “Is there a space in your life where the Spirit of God has a chance to speak or act or show up? To be contemplative means to peel off the blindfolds that keep us from seeing his coming in us and around us. It means to learn to listen in the spaces of quiet we leave for God and thereby know how better to relate to the world around us.

Recently I spent some time walking in New York City. I realized how most places are filled up with other things. So much is crowded into that place! We seem to have a fear of empty spaces. The philosopher Spinoza called this horror vacuo. We want to fill up what is empty. Our lives stay very full. And when we are not blinded by busyness, we fill our inner space with guilt about things of the past or worries about things to come. Perhaps part of our fear comes from the fact that an empty place means that something may happen to us that we cannot predict, that is new, that leads us to a place we might not want to go. I might not want to hear what God has to say.” (Turn My Mourning Into Dancing)

You can be drowning but think you’re swimming.

Can you think of any take good things you could take off your plate in order to make space for better things, such as: spiritual formation, thinking and planning, and cultivating key relationships?

 

 

 

 

Joy-Suckers in the Church, by Christian Counselor Dr. Paul Randolph

May 3, 2013 in Encouragement 4 U, Leadership | No comments

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I ran across this some time ago but felt some of you might relate today. Be encouraged. Don’t let the “joy-suckers” get to you. -dave

Every church has people who just suck the air out of your ministry.  H.B. London from Focus on the Family calls them “joy suckers.”  In my counseling of pastors, I meet a lot of guys who aren’t content with the ministry God has given them.  If only my church was bigger, or we just had a couple of additional families, or we had better music, or whatever.  Let me share with you a story about not getting pulled down by the “if only’s” of pastoral ministry.

When I pastored a church of about 200 a number of years ago, I had a young lady who was a member of our church come to talk to me about our music in worship.  She had been away at college and was back after graduating.  As we met, she shared with me how out of date our worship services were.  She had attended a very dynamic campus church and felt we needed guitars, drums, etc.  I told her I was open to having more contemporary music, and asked if she would be willing to help since she played the guitar.  She declined, “O pastor, I don’t have time to help, I just wanted to tell you how I feel.”  So there you have it, we have a church with worship from the stone age.

A week later, I had a new guy in his mid-twenties come to see me.  He came to our church after attending a Phil Keaggy concert.  During our meeting, he asked a few questions about our doctrine, and then started to comment on our worship.  I’m thinking, “Here we go, another person who thinks our worship is from the dark ages.”  He then begins to tell me how great our worship is.  He was excited that we not only sang hymns, but we used praise choruses, and even used a guitar from time to time.

When I got home, I asked my wife, “Honey, I’m not sure if I am attending the most un-cool, or the coolest church in town!”

So brothers in ministry, don’t let the joy suckers, complainers, and church hoppers get you down.  Don’t think you aren’t an important part of the kingdom if you aren’t leading a mega-church.  And remember, you can always refer the joy suckers to me!

Blessings,

Dr. Paul Randolph, Insight Christian Counseling

 

 

Thomas Merton: The reasons for delay and obstacles.

April 5, 2013 in Encouragement 4 U, Spiritual Formation, Things to Think About | No comments

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You must realize that it is the ordinary way of God’s dealings with us that our ideas do not work out speedily and efficiently as we like them to. The reason for this is not only the loving wisdom of God, but also the fact that our acts have to fit into a great complex pattern that we cannot possibly understand.

I have learned over the years that Providence is always a whole lot wiser then any of us, and that there are always not only good reasons but the very best reasons for the delays and blocks that often seem to us so frustrating and absurd.

Obstacles have a meaning.

(October 30, 1964)

Book review: The Grasshopper Myth by Karl Vaters

March 12, 2013 in Book Reviews, Encouragement 4 U | Permalink

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The main reason I’m happy about Karl Vaters’ The Grasshopper Myth is that there is now one less book that I have to write. But seriously, if I were to write a book to encourage pastors of smaller churches it would look like The Grasshopper Myth, but probably not be as good.

Karl says, “Healthy churches do not grow under the guidance of disgruntled, demoralized pastors. One of the primary reasons for writing my story was to help other small church pastors do what it took me too many years to do–stop being upset about what I’m not and start discovering and enjoying who I am.

We need to stop using numerical growth as the primary indicator of success in ministry and start looking at health as the primary indicator of success in ministry. It may all start with this premise–a healthy church that’s not growing numerically is better than an unhealthy church that is.”

And again,

“…this is probably the first book you have read on the subject of pastoring that wasn’t written by a mega-church pastor or by a researcher whose main focus has been to make mega-churches. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just the way it is.”

If you are expecting a lot of mega-church-bashing you won’t find it here. Unlike many books written from a small church perspective that feel a need to explain why small churches are better than large churches, Karl actually appreciates larger churches, and sees them as part of a wide range of church size, all of which have their place. The book is subtitled, “Big churches, small churches and the small thinking that divides us.”

When I first received the book in the mail three things stood out to me: first, the name of the book and the cover of the book are really sharp. Second, the great group discussion questions in the back. And third, some of the chapter titles such as:

How trying to build a big church nearly killed me–and my church.

Don’t despise the size.

So what’s wrong with church growth?

Small church big vision.

God doesn’t take attendance.

A new way to define success.

Stages in the emotional life of the small church pastor.

Those are just some of the chapters.

If you feel like you need some help getting your head screwed back on straight, this is the book. If you feel you’ve lost your head altogether, Karl will help you find it again and screw it back on.

Here are a few places I underlined:

“…our small size is not a problem to be fixed, but a strategic advantage God wants to use.”

“This drive for greater numbers and larger churches has probably resulted in more pastoral burnout than healthy, growing churches.”

“Yes, all healthy things grow. But growth is never as simple as older equals taller or healthy equals bigger. A pea will never be the size of a pumpkin and a rose won’t ever reach the height of a redwood no matter how much you water them, fertilize them, or teach them redwood growth principles. It’s just not in their nature. All healthy, living things reach their optimal size at maturity, then they grow in different ways from that point on.”

“I have become convinced that most small church pastors go through emotional stages. At the end, they either burn out and leave the ministry, or they go through that wall to effectiveness and fulfillment in ministry.”

The Grasshopper Myth is my new book to recommend for all pastors, but especially those who serve in smaller churches. Buy it today.

 

 

Karl Vaters has been a small church pastor for about 30 years, 20 of which at his current church, Cornerstone Christian Fellowship in Fountain Valley, California.

A Mean Omnipotent God

January 4, 2013 in Encouragement 4 U | Permalink

Journal entry 10.1.12

“He intended to pass them by.” (48)

Why was Jesus “intending” to pass them by when He could clearly see that they were struggling so hard against the wind?

It seems like He has done this many times in my past. I’m straining against the wind and He passes by me, leaves me to struggle, and waits for me on the other side. Maybe waves at me while He passes, sometimes I didn’t even get that.

It’s not until later, after I make it to the shore, that I discover Him. And then I feel it was a mean and cruel thing He put me through.

My heart is hard (52) and lacks insight (52). Jesus is more interested in my insight than my desire for smooth sailing.

Jesus would come to the rescue of the disciples many times and then… He would stop coming. They would all (with the exception of John) face martyrdom. He will pass them by waving and wait on the other side for them.

Jesus intended to pass them by. Did He think they would see Him, recognize it was Him instead of a ghost, and with their eyes fixed on Him continue to row and row and row until they made it to the shore on their own?

Did Jesus change His plan because He heard their cry and saw their terror? I have cried out in fear and frustration and experienced what seemed like Him passing me by.

“Save me Lord. Get in my boat.”

“No, you keep rowing and I’ll be waiting for you on the other side.”

Seems like a mean omnipotent God.

I believe He wants to bring me to the place where it’s enough for me to just see Him passing by and waving. To get to the place where I don’t need deliverance, I’m content to strain and struggled as long as I can see Him waving. I am not there yet. I have a long way to go to be as pleased with His passing and waving as I am with His deliverance.

Do you feel like you are rowing and rowing and rowing with nothing more than a wave from Jesus as He passes you by? He’s on the shore waiting for you. Keep rowing.

 

Build With What You Have, Not With What You Don’t Have: The Daughters of Shallhum.

December 21, 2012 in Encouragement 4 U | Permalink

Nehemiah is a great book to turn to when seeking wisdom for building and leading a church. In fact, I identified no less than ten helpful principles in chapter two alone. One of the unique about Nehemiah was that he loved lists.

In chapter three he lists all the men who participated in rebuilding the walls around Jerusalem. All these men are listed, or sons of men listed. And then we are introduced to Shallhum, an official of half the district of Jerusalem (vs. 12) who, we are told, “…made repairs, he and his daughters.” All these men banging nails and building walls…and there in their midst is Shallhum and his daughters.

I think it’s fair to assume, that for whatever reason, Shallhum didn’t have any sons. He had daughters. A lack of sons was not going to deter Shallhum from doing his part in rebuilding the walls. He had daughters so he worked with what he had…not with what he didn’t have.

Sometimes pastors of smaller churches can focus more on what they don’t have rather than what they do have. I know, I’ve been there. It’s easy to lament, “If I only had more people, more money, someone on staff with me. If I only had my own building or more volunteers then it would be so much easier.” If this is how you’re thinking…you might be right. But you can’t build with what you don’t have. You can only build with what you do have.

Focusing on what you don’t have doesn’t help, in fact it hinders your call to build a church. What resources do you have? You must have some. If you didn’t have any you wouldn’t have a church. Take an inventory of what you do have, not what you don’t have. Look at what you have to build with, no matter how small it might be, and prayerfully ask the Holy Spirit to help you discover the best way to use the resources you have. If what you have is limited then you’re not going to be able to do everything. But you will be able to do some things. Discover what you can do and do it well.

Focusing on what you have instead of what you don’t have will result in encouragement for you and a church that is healthy and moving forward. Remember, you build with what you have, not with what you don’t have. Thanks daughters of Shallhum.

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