When Fear Infects The Heart, The First Thing To Go Are The Eyes.

May 24, 2013 in Encouragement 4 U | No comments

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Most pastors live with fear, I know I did when I was a pastor. There are so many things to be fearful of while leading a church:

  1. Will there be enough money in the offering this week to pay the church bills?
  2. Will there be enough money to pay me?
  3. What if there’s not enough money and I have to get an outside job?
  4. How can I lead the church if I’m not available due to working an outside job?
  5. What will happen if “so and so” leaves the church?
  6. My numbers are dwindling. How long can we stay open?
  7. What if there is a church-split?
  8. What if I fail to manage conflict in my church?
  9. How will I pay my bills when I reach retirement?
  10. There are some people in my church that are mad at me. What will be the ramifications of that?

It’s important for us to remember that fear can become a filter through which we see everything else. Fear distorts reality. Fear can prevent objectivity. Fear causes us to react rather than reflect. Fear can make a mountain out of a mole-hill. (I know all about moles. We’ve got those nasty little buggers all over our property.)

Is there anything that is currently causing you fear or anxiety? If so, ask yourself these questions:

  1. Is it possible that I am making the problem into something bigger than it really is?
  2. Has fear and anxiety entered my heart, and if so, how might it be effecting my perspective?
  3. How might I gain objectivity?
  4. Who do I know who might help me be more objective?
  5. How might I effectively give this fear over to the Lord so that I could find peace and greater objectivity?

Never forget, when fear infects the heart, the first thing to go are the eyes.

In Honor of Dallas Willard: The Dangers of Ministry

May 20, 2013 in Encouragement 4 U, Leadership, Things to Think About | No comments

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Pastors must change their definition of success. They need to have a vision of success rooted in spiritual terms, determined by the vitality of a pastor’s own spiritual life and his capacity to pass that on to others.

When pastors don’t have rich spiritual lives with Christ they become victimized by other models of success, models conveyed to them by their training, by their experience in the church, or just by our culture. They begin to think their job is managing a set of ministry activities and success is about getting more people to engage those activities. Pastors, and those they lead, need to be set free from that belief.

Five Suggestions For Avoiding Emotional or Physical Adultery

May 17, 2013 in How to..., Ideas That Work, Leadership | No comments

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A while back I was talking to a pastor about the recent news of a popular leader in his denomination who confessed to adultery. A few years ago the same denomination was rocked after finding out the same thing about two other very high-level leaders. Whenever a bomb like this is dropped these two questions start to circulate:

1. How could this have happened?

2. What can be done, if anything, to prevent this in the future?

My friend and I came up with five suggestions for avoiding emotional or physical adultery. You might want to apply them to your personal life, from the pulpit (if you’re a pastor) or with a men’s or women’s group in your church. Here they are:

1. Don’t think: It could never happen to me.

2. Know what the early signs are of an inappropriate relationship.

3. Don’t minimize or dismiss the early signs.

4. Be brutal in how you respond to the early signs.

5. Find someone you know and trust, someone who is safe, someone you could share with who will pray with you and hold you accountable.

Can you think of any additional steps one might take?

Telling and Selling, or Listening and Learning?

May 10, 2013 in How to..., Ideas That Work, Leadership, Things to Think About | 2 comments

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Most leaders tell and sell rather than listen and learn.

We’re always telling our people what we’re going to do as a church; projects, programs, goals etc., or we’re trying to sell the idea we have in order to secure their support and participation. We also do a lot of telling people what they should believe. After all, that is our job as preachers and teachers, tell people what to believe, isn’t it?

This approach (telling and selling) has been pushed upon us from the very beginning of our training to be pastors and leaders. We were told, so we tell. We were sold, so we sell. It’s not entirely our fault that we turned out this way. On top of that, we’re good at it. And I’m not convinced that this is altogether a bad thing, however, always telling and selling is always exhausting.

The problem is, when all your time is spent telling and selling there is little time left for listening and learning.

A leader is not so much someone out in front yelling, “follow me”, as they are an agent of collaboration and team-building. If we see collaboration and desire team-building we will need to learn more listening and learning than telling and selling.

You can’t listen and learn until you ask your people, your leadership team, your board, your spouse… great questions. Here are few questions that will help you listen and learn:

What do you think?

What do you see that I don’t see?

Do you have a better idea?

How do you think we might better achieve our goals?

If I have a blind spot, what do you think it might be?

If you were in my shoes what would you do?

Can you shoot any holes in my idea?

Can you give me a few options?

I’m not suggesting that a leader should never tell or sell, only that, always telling and selling fails to produce collaboration and team building, and always telling and selling is always exhausting.

What are some ways that you might get better at listening and learning? Who do you need to listen to? Who do you need to learn from?

The Shallows Generated By Constant Activity

May 6, 2013 in Encouragement 4 U, Spiritual Formation, Things to Think About | 2 comments

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How can we lead others into deep waters if we ourselves live in the shallows generated by constant activity?

Richard Foster commented in Celebration of Discipline, “In contemporary society our adversary majors in three things: noise, hurry, and crowds. If he can keep us engaged in “muchness” and “manyness” he will rest satisfied. Psychiatrist Carl Jung once remarked, “Hurry is not of the devil; it is the devil.” If we are constantly being swept off our feet with frantic activity, we will be unable to be attentive at the moment of inward silence.”

Great pastors are organized and focused without the sense of driven, hurry, or busy. We need to take good things off our plates in order to make space for better things, such as: spiritual formation, thinking and planning, and cultivating key relationships.

“Life for many leaders is a blur of activity and planning, with sparse occasions for reflection, replenishing, rejoicing, and responding to the relationship the Lord is inviting them to experience and enjoy in Him. The urgent crowds out the essential. Doing ignores being. Developing skills becomes more important than shaping character.” (TransforMissional Coaching)

A W Tozer suggested, “Our religious activities should be ordered in such a way as to have plenty of time for the cultivation of the fruits of solitude and silence.”

Henri Nouwen dares to ask, “Is there a space in your life where the Spirit of God has a chance to speak or act or show up? To be contemplative means to peel off the blindfolds that keep us from seeing his coming in us and around us. It means to learn to listen in the spaces of quiet we leave for God and thereby know how better to relate to the world around us.

Recently I spent some time walking in New York City. I realized how most places are filled up with other things. So much is crowded into that place! We seem to have a fear of empty spaces. The philosopher Spinoza called this horror vacuo. We want to fill up what is empty. Our lives stay very full. And when we are not blinded by busyness, we fill our inner space with guilt about things of the past or worries about things to come. Perhaps part of our fear comes from the fact that an empty place means that something may happen to us that we cannot predict, that is new, that leads us to a place we might not want to go. I might not want to hear what God has to say.” (Turn My Mourning Into Dancing)

You can be drowning but think you’re swimming.

Can you think of any take good things you could take off your plate in order to make space for better things, such as: spiritual formation, thinking and planning, and cultivating key relationships?

 

 

 

 

Joy-Suckers in the Church, by Christian Counselor Dr. Paul Randolph

May 3, 2013 in Encouragement 4 U, Leadership | No comments

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I ran across this some time ago but felt some of you might relate today. Be encouraged. Don’t let the “joy-suckers” get to you. -dave

Every church has people who just suck the air out of your ministry.  H.B. London from Focus on the Family calls them “joy suckers.”  In my counseling of pastors, I meet a lot of guys who aren’t content with the ministry God has given them.  If only my church was bigger, or we just had a couple of additional families, or we had better music, or whatever.  Let me share with you a story about not getting pulled down by the “if only’s” of pastoral ministry.

When I pastored a church of about 200 a number of years ago, I had a young lady who was a member of our church come to talk to me about our music in worship.  She had been away at college and was back after graduating.  As we met, she shared with me how out of date our worship services were.  She had attended a very dynamic campus church and felt we needed guitars, drums, etc.  I told her I was open to having more contemporary music, and asked if she would be willing to help since she played the guitar.  She declined, “O pastor, I don’t have time to help, I just wanted to tell you how I feel.”  So there you have it, we have a church with worship from the stone age.

A week later, I had a new guy in his mid-twenties come to see me.  He came to our church after attending a Phil Keaggy concert.  During our meeting, he asked a few questions about our doctrine, and then started to comment on our worship.  I’m thinking, “Here we go, another person who thinks our worship is from the dark ages.”  He then begins to tell me how great our worship is.  He was excited that we not only sang hymns, but we used praise choruses, and even used a guitar from time to time.

When I got home, I asked my wife, “Honey, I’m not sure if I am attending the most un-cool, or the coolest church in town!”

So brothers in ministry, don’t let the joy suckers, complainers, and church hoppers get you down.  Don’t think you aren’t an important part of the kingdom if you aren’t leading a mega-church.  And remember, you can always refer the joy suckers to me!

Blessings,

Dr. Paul Randolph, Insight Christian Counseling

 

 

The Armless Bellringers

May 1, 2013 in Random | 1 comment


thThere was a monastery in France at the edge of a cliff overlooking a beautiful valley, and because its bells could be heard over such a wide area, it developed a reputation for attracting only the finest bellringers in the country.

There was always a bit of dread when a bellringer passed on or retired, and one year, when they spread the word of their need for a new master, there was a dearth of qualified candidates. They would have been good enough for any other monastery, but not this one. Better to have silent bells than anything less than the best.

As they were despairing at the quality of candidates, a man with no arms paid a visit to apply for the position. The monks were amazed and protested that this was no time for joking. But the man insisted, said he was from a family of famous bellringers, and he would show them what he could do. He drew back, lowered his head, and charged full speed at the bell. The monks were horrified, but could not stop him. And the sound — oh my, you should have been there! It was indeed a sound worthy of that monastery. It rang through the valley, and people everywhere stopped in their tracks and nodded to each other that at last a worthy bellringer had been found.

But alas, it was not to be. For the impact so stunned the poor armless man that he stumbled dizzily and fell over the cliff. The head monk ran down the steps to where a crowd had gathered, and a policeman spoke to him. “Do you know this man?” The monk sighed, “No, but his face rings a bell.”

The search continued. One day not long after, another armless man showed up and presented himself as the previous man’s brother. He was there to uphold the family honor, and would show them what a good bellringer could do. The monks protested, but too late — he also drew back and charged full speed into the bell. And once again, the most beautiful sound pealed out over the valley, such that even the birds circled around to see what was happening. And once again, he was so stunned that he too fell over the cliff in a daze.

Once again the head monk scrambled down the stairs to meet the crowd and a policeman. Again he was asked if he knew the deceased. “No, but he’s a dead ringer for his brother.”

Thanks to Jim Stephens for this one.

Either Pray or Preach, But Don’t Do Both.

April 29, 2013 in Things to Think About | No comments

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(Mk. 12:40) “…and for appearance’s sake offer long prayers…”

For appearance sake (not for God sake… or their own soul’s sake) they offered long prayers.

It’s always interesting to listen to someone praying in pubic. I always take notice when when they moves back and forth from praying to preaching. They start by telling God something, then change to telling me something, when they’re supposed to be telling God something.

This happens all the time. I can fall into it.

There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable or eloquent when praying if… you’re not doing it for appearance sake. I believe it was Malachi who said, “When you come before God let your words be few.” The Lord’s Prayer is brief. Jesus’ recorded public prayers were brief.

The more words you use (whether in prayer, preaching, or casual conversation) the more risk you take. There can be a connection between length and pride. Brevity reflects humility.

St. Benedict on how to deal with trouble-makers in the church.

April 26, 2013 in How to..., Ideas That Work, Leadership | No comments

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Rule of St. Benedict

“If any pilgrim monk from distant parts wish as a guest to dwell in the monastery, and will be content with the customs which he finds in the place, and do not perchance by his lavishness disturb the monastery, but is simply content with what he finds: He shall be received, for as long a time as he desires.

If, indeed, he find fault with anything or expose it, reasonably and with the humility of charity, The Abbot shall discuss it prudently, lest perchance God had sent him for this very thing.

But if he have been found gossipy and contumacious [ rebellious or stubbornly disobedient towards authority] in the time of his sojourn as guest, not only ought he not be joined to the body of the monastery, but also it shall be said to him, honestly, that he must depart.* If he does not go, let two stout monks, in the name of God, explain the matter to him”.

*Some manuscripts include at this point, “…depart, lest by sympathy with him, others also become contaminated.”

I think this should be the rule for everyone who attends or joins the local church!

Poor Peter. Poor Me. Poor Church.

April 22, 2013 in Things to Think About | No comments

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“As Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant-girls of the high priest came, and seeing Peter warming himself, she looked at him and said, “You also were with Jesus the Nazarene.” (Mark 14:66-72)

Poor Peter. Jesus was upstairs and Peter was downstairs. Jesus being beaten, humiliated and mocked while Peter is trying desperately to blend in with the crowd and go unnoticed.

I have no stone to throw. Poor Peter.

There is no mention of any other disciple down there with him. Where were the others? Hiding, no doubt, like Peter, but at least Peter was hiding close by, downstairs of Jesus.

He loved Jesus, was loyal to Jesus, at one time boasted he was ready to die with Jesus (and I believe him), but now he is afraid, trying to cover his identity.

Something about him caught the attention of a servant girl. He didn’t quite fit in. He tried to fit in but he didn’t do as good a job of it as he hoped.

“Hey you!”

“Oh no!”

“You’re one of them!”

Peter denies it. Peter curses and swears. Peter weeps. Peter runs into the night to hide someplace else and to wait for news concerning the fate of his Jesus.

Poor Peter.

It seems like whenever we try to blend in we’re taking a risk, a risk of betraying our true identity.

I’m afraid I blend in too much.

I’m worried that the church is blending in too much.

Cultural relevancy is different than culture-adaptation. You can adapt so well that you betray your true identity. Poor Peter. Poor me. Poor church.

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